There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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