1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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