Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
