i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
