I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
