I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
