I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
