Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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