This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
