I checked into jail on foursquare
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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