Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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