Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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