I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
