:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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