I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
