so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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