My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
