is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
