Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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