If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
