Nicole vs. Life
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
