When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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