Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
