You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
