DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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