my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
