I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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