i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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