How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
