First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
