I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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