Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
