nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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