I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
