i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize