i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
