i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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