if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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