We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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