the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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