Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
