covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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