they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
