I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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