woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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