I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
