You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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