so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
