We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize