fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize