At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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