Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize