She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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