the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
