I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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