Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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