I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
