Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
