And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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