I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
