so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
