the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
