i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
