i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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