I wanna passion pit in your ass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
