who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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