its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
