Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
