Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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